[2002-05-10]
I can't claim to be swamped in email, but I do get the occasional weird request. Since some of them are pretty funny, I thought I'd share them with you, my faithful clued in audience. I know that none of you would ever send me stuff like this.
I've changed the email addresses in subtle ways in order to protect the intellectually challenged.
Most typical are requests for me to crack software. Why they send these to me I have no idea. As far as I know there are lots of actual request-a-crack sites, so asking someone unsolicited is like betting on really bad odds. Here's an example:
Subject: Keil cracking Date: Fri, 04 May 2001 22:36:54 -0400 Hi there, Eddy! I've been looking for a solution on cracking Keil (cross compiler SW for electronic design) - it uses a hardware key on the parallel port. But I've been unable to figure out how to. And haven't found it anywhere, either. Is it possible for you to give me a hand? Thank you anyway
Since this request was actually a request, as opposed to a demand, I've removed the contact information. I had to redirect this person to my _Open letter to the Annoying People_ article which I wrote after having recieved endless crack-requests over the years.
Let us take another one from this category, just to show you that this is not isolated incidents I'm talking about here. This recent one is a perfect example on why I wrote the Open Letter:
From: "Qasim Siddiqui" <siddiqui_qasim_is_a_wanker@hotmail.com> Subject: I want Date: Fri, 10 May 2002 14:12:50 +0000 Hi I want to crack cybersitter 2001 plz send me cybersitter cracking code and name Name "Mohammad Qasim" and its cybersitter code please Thanks
See the subject? It is like he is demanding this from me. On the suggestion of my friend Kristoffer, I let him know that I thought the combination...
Name: Mohammad Qasim Serial: B1GT1M3L0S3R
... might work.
Let's look at another case, shall we? Many (most?) of the really dumb letters I get are due to my work on dissecting filtering software. Like so:
From: MastiffLover345@aol.cum Subject: Send Me A Copy Of Cyber Patrol Hack Date: Wed, 9 May 2001 23:41:00 EDT Please!!! Send me the download file of Cyber Patrol Hack you can e-mail me back at thug_boy@thuglove.cum
This might seem like a valid request to you, but from my point of view it's idiotic. So, I send him to my _Open letter to the Annoying People_ document. While the "request" was very typical, few responses are as rabid as this:
From: "Chrisler Smith" <stle345@joymail.cum> Subject: HEY!!!! Date: Fri, 11 May 2001 09:14:42 -0700 (PDT) Hi,Eddy U can go to hell muthafucker!! Yeah,I drop dat shit sendin' me annoying people mail u r a faggot and a muthafucka now send me annoying mail shit
Gee, and here I was, hoping we could become best friends! *rotfl*. Anyway, the typical response is silence, which is fine by me.
As everyone who "knows" computers know from experience; once it gets out that you're knowledgeable, people begin pestering you for support. Of course, they're at a complete loss understanding why you can't seem to help them with some lame Microsoft Word problem or answer questions about why their dial-up doesn't work, even though you're a computer professional.
While this question's within my domain, the lack of specifics is very typical.
Subject: Cyber Patrol Date: Wed, 2 May 2001 20:14:29 -0500 Hey I was wondering how i can use this thing cause its really wierd and i dont know what to do. what path am i supposed to load in the configuration and what do i do from there??? thanks
I've gotten quite a few of these, and even general computer related questions over they years.
Typically, I ignore them.
The first program I ever wrote for money, was someones homework assignment. Ah, how young and naïve I was. I don't remember if I actually got paid or not, I solved one assignment (a program involving a chess board and the movement of the Knight), but withheld the other. Anyway, people sometimes ask me to do their homework for them. Why? I have no idea. This is even more mysterious then asking me to crack things, at least there's some kind of logic in that.
From: "ali dar" <ali_dar@lovemail.com> Subject: emergency project Date: 2 May 2001 12:18:12 -0000 hi, my name is ali abbas dar and i'm the student of BS computer science in the university.so i have a project from my teacher which i have to submit within two days.the last date of project is 4th of may .so please please send me any simple project like some kind of virus using very simple logic as soon as possible.i am waiting for your project. oh yes , please be kind enough to mention some explanations also. hope u'll give me oppertunity to thank u. ali abbas. BS, University of Lahore.
If you're this guy's professor, you might want to check "his" work with extra care.
My response is usually to ask for the teacher's e-mail address, so that I can send the answer directly to him/her. No takers so far :-)
I get a few bizarre requests now and then. Apparently, somehow, people get the impression that I can and will do all kinds of stuff for them.